This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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