i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
