I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
