Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
