Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
