dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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