my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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