Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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