I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
