I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
