His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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