i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i think im in europe. pls send help
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
