im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
