Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
