Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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