I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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