Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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