So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
