So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
