haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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