he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
