My hand turned me down
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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