my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
