life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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