He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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