If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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