he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
if only i could text you this smell
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
