omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
