enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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