I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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