Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
