Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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