"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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