I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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