I want to make a zoo with you.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Farmville is her only friend.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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