GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My penis needs a shock collar
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
