Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
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