Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
