You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
