We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
