The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
