i think i have two assholes
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
