I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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