Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
