You just made me feel so damn special
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
