Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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