Don't make out with my wife yet
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
