That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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