she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
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