sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
