guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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